SPOILER: a crying post!

I'm so sad today.  Life isn't fair.  Last week my friends sister died of Leukimia at 20 years old.  This week my cousin lost his brand new baby boy at 10 days old.  I almost feel guilty to be alive when this other, better daughter got taken home.  I feel guilty to have a perfect healthy baby boy, like i'm almost rubbing Muffin in my cousin's face if I try to tell him how sorry I am.  My heart just aches for them.  And there is nothing I can do.  There's nothing I can do to make it hurt less.  There's nothing I can do to even hold the heartache for them for a little while.  I can't tell them I know how they feel, or can even imagine.  So I did what I have always done; I tried to get all my crying out while I wrote.  Then I have a place to put that heartache down for a little while so I can go on with life.  So, here's what I came up with.  I think I will give it to my cousin:

Not enough time to say ‘hello’ before having to say ‘goodbye.’
Not enough time to kiss and hold and look at that little guy.
Not enough time for him to learn to smile or crawl or talk
Not enough time for binkies, long nights or warm spring walks.
Not enough time to feel the sunshine kissing his baby face
There just wasn’t near enough time before he had to leave this place.
And while it breaks my heart to feel like I didn’t get enough time
I know he’s not too far away and that he’ll always be mine.
A beautiful gift from a loving God, who also lost a Son
And a loving brother who gave his life so this death could be overcome.
So I’ll pull my strength from the other side where Ethan’s waiting until I come
I’ll pull my strength from knowing that I’ll still get to raise my son